{"id":12595,"date":"2026-05-04T05:51:00","date_gmt":"2026-05-03T17:51:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/cvnznews.com\/?p=12595"},"modified":"2026-05-03T19:02:37","modified_gmt":"2026-05-03T07:02:37","slug":"what-caused-you-to-not-like-who-you-are","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/cvnznews.com\/?p=12595","title":{"rendered":"What caused you to not like who you are?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

By Timothy Goropevsek<\/strong>\/Daily Christian.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When Walt Heyer speaks about gender identity, he does so as someone who spent years trying to escape himself. The 85-year-old author and speaker remembers the confusion that marked his childhood long before he underwent what he later came to describe as a failed attempt to become someone else.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In an interview with Christian Daily International, Heyer repeatedly returned to one central conviction that he believes is key for pastors and Christian leaders to understand: people struggling with gender identity are often trying to flee pain, trauma or deep emotional distress rather than truly changing who they are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThe most important thing for people to realize is that nobody<\/em> can change their gender,\u201d Heyer said. \u201cA person can identify<\/em> as a transgender. They can\u2019t become<\/em> one.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Heyer, a former corporate executive who underwent gender reassignment surgery at age 42 and lived as a woman for eight years before later detransitioning, now speaks internationally about his experience. He has authored eight books and more than 60 articles and now serves as a senior fellow at the Family Research Council.Stay informed with The Christian Daily NewsletterSign up<\/p>\n\n\n\n

His latest book, \u201cEmbracing God\u2019s Design,\u201d<\/a> co-authored with trauma researcher Jennifer Bauwens, seeks to equip pastors, families and churches to address questions surrounding gender identity through what the authors describe as biblical and psychological frameworks.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

During the interview, Heyer spoke in direct and often very personal terms. He described childhood experiences that he believes shaped his later struggles with identity, beginning with his grandmother dressing him in girls\u2019 clothing as a small child.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cGrandma cross-dressed me,\u201d he said. \u201cShe caused the psychological emotional abuse. Then my dad physically abused me because of the dress, then because of the dress my uncle sexually molested me. And so all that before I was 10 years old.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cTrying to escape some pain\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Heyer said those experiences left him deeply confused about himself for years. Looking back, he believes many people who identify as transgender are responding to unresolved wounds rather than pursuing a genuine change of sex.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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\u201cPeople who take on this identity called transgenderism are not trying to become a female or male,\u201d he said. \u201cThey\u2019re trying to escape some pain or discomfort or confusion they have.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He linked his own eventual decision to undergo surgery to earlier trauma and fear.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI\u2019m sure this affected me in my later years, cutting off body parts so that no one would ever sexually molest me,\u201d he said. \u201cIt was a protection against sexual molestation.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Heyer stressed the importance of language, arguing that churches often adopt terminology that, in his view, reinforces confusion rather than helps people address underlying causes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He objected strongly to the term \u201cgender dysphoria,\u201d describing it as a symptom rather than a diagnosis.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIf somebody has the diagnosis of gender dysphoria, then you need to change that to, \u2018No, that\u2019s a symptom of something down here that we need to work on,\u2019\u201d he said. \u201cWe need to find out what it is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The question he believes churches and counselors should ask people wrestling with identity issues is: \u201cWhat caused you to not like who you are?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThat\u2019s the bottom line to this whole thing,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Churches facing fear and uncertainty<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Heyer also addressed the uncertainty many churches feel when someone identifying as transgender begins attending services. He said congregations should avoid panic or hostility, but he also urged churches to respond intentionally rather than passively.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThe church needs to become educated in what language is appropriate,\u201d he said. \u201cPastors and others really don\u2019t know how to deal with it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Rather than leaving individuals isolated, he suggested churches appoint a trusted person \u2014 an elder, pastor or deacon \u2014 to walk alongside someone struggling with gender identity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYou assign someone in the church to walk with that person,\u201d he said. \u201cSomebody that the church can fully trust and who\u2019s got expertise in this.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Heyer specifically suggested that individuals should write regular letters describing their struggles and spiritual journey and asking for prayer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cHave that individual who\u2019s struggling write a prayer letter every week,\u201d he said. \u201cThen they start praying for them.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He described the process as a way of drawing people into community and spiritual accountability over time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAnd then over a period of time, can we expand this out to a larger group?\u201d he said. \u201cCan we have a home group that does this?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For Heyer, willingness to engage in prayer is a significant indicator of whether someone is genuinely open to change.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIf you ask the person, \u2018Can you write a prayer letter?\u2019 and they say, \u2018No, I\u2019m not going to write a prayer letter,\u2019 then you automatically tell them, \u2018This is not a place we can help you,\u2019\u201d he said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He believes it is important for the church to distinguish between what he described as a compliant posture toward faith and a defiant one.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThere\u2019s the word compliant toward the fact that they believe Jesus Christ can restore their life and they\u2019ll pray about it,\u201d he said, contrasting it with \u201cdefiant where they don\u2019t believe prayer works.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Patience, prayer and long recovery<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Heyer cautioned churches against expecting rapid transformation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While he said some individuals may quickly rethink their identity after beginning deeper self-reflection, he described restoration as a process that often takes years.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThe expectation is maybe two or three years,\u201d he said. \u201cIf they\u2019ve struggled for 10 years, it might take them five years. If they struggled for 20, it might take them 10.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Patience, he said, becomes essential.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYou have to be very patient,\u201d he said. \u201cThis is where prayer really comes in handy and having them surrounded by people.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

At the same time, Heyer described moments where a single conversation triggered sudden reconsideration. \u201cI\u2019ve actually had people, when I\u2019ve had that conversation, who struggled for many years,\u201d he said. \u201cWithin a week, they\u2019ve restored their life. They go, \u2018This was nuts!\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Still, he acknowledged that such cases are unusual. \u201cNot everybody\u2019s that healthy,\u201d he said. \u201cYou can\u2019t hit that all the time.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What about pronouns?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Asked about how believers should deal with the sensitive issue of first names and pronouns, Heyer advised Christians not to use requested pronouns tied to a transgender identity. Instead, he suggested avoiding pronouns altogether or using surnames when necessary.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhen they say, \u2018Use the pronouns,\u2019 I can talk to you for three hours and never use a pronoun,\u201d he said. \u201cIf they\u2019re insisting on using the first name, then I insist on using their last name.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He emphasized that, in his view, asking thoughtful questions can be more compassionate than affirming identity claims.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThe most caring, most wonderful thing you can do is get them to start having self-reflection,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Concerns about schools and culture<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The conversation also touched on concerns many Christian parents face as discussions surrounding gender identity increasingly appear in schools and childhood environments in ways that previous generations did not experience.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Heyer expressed alarm about what children encounter in educational settings and said many parents feel they have little influence over those environments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cParents can\u2019t control what goes on in school,\u201d he said. \u201cThat\u2019s the part that\u2019s scary.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He argued that schools often shape children more powerfully than family conversations once students enter those environments daily, and trans activists have been planting seeds in children\u2019s minds.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhen they get to school, it\u2019s their environment that they\u2019re in that\u2019s going to have bigger influence over their life,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Although he pointed to homeschooling or attending Christian schools as possible responses, he also acknowledged that many families around the world do not have that option.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The evidence has been there for decades<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

While the broader cultural debate surrounding gender identity has been developing for decades, Heyer emphasized that it has also been scientifically known for a long time that affirming someone\u2019s gender identity and letting them transition is not a solution.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He referenced Dr. Charles Ihlenfeld<\/a>, an endocrinologist and homosexual activist who, according to Heyer, administered hormone treatments to hundreds of men before later opposing gender transition procedures.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cHe came out against it in 1979!\u201d Heyer said. \u201cHe said, \u2018I\u2019ve worked with 500 of them, I\u2019ve talked to them and I found too much unhappiness and too many have committed suicide.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Heyer also pointed to earlier media reporting questioning the effectiveness of sex-change surgeries. \u201cWe have all these data points,\u201d he said. \u201cIt\u2019s like the guy driving through a stop sign and finally he hits another car and crashes.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Heyer argues it is important for churches to be informed in order not to be misled by mainstream narratives and trends that ignore the science and facts that have existed for a long time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018They never changed their gender\u2019<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Despite the emotional complexity surrounding gender identity, Heyer said he believes churches should approach the issue with hope rather than fear. Instead of viewing transgender-identifying individuals primarily through political or cultural conflict, churches should recognize pain, trauma and spiritual struggle.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For Heyer, the church\u2019s task is not to treat gender identity struggles as uniquely strange or untouchable, but as part of the broader brokenness people experience in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWe work with people whose parents have died, people who\u2019ve lost limbs, people who have cancer,\u201d he said. \u201cThis is just something tragic that\u2019s happened.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThe most critical view of hope is that they never actually changed their gender,\u201d he said. \u201cWe need to bring them back to how God created them.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He emphasized that it is a scientific fact that men cannot become women and women cannot become men. Therefore, a person who underwent surgery has not in actuality changed their gender.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cNo, they didn\u2019t change them at the clinic,\u201d Heyer said. \u201cThey don\u2019t know how to do it. They\u2019re not God.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That perspective, he said, changes how congregations respond.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By Timothy Goropevsek\/Daily Christian. When Walt Heyer speaks about gender identity, he does so as someone who spent years trying to escape himself. The 85-year-old author and speaker remembers the confusion that marked his childhood long before he underwent what he later came to describe as a failed attempt to become someone else. In an<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":12596,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[40],"tags":[117,212],"coauthors":[976],"class_list":{"0":"post-12595","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-faith","8":"tag-church","9":"tag-lgbtq"},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/cvnznews.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/05\/de-transitioner.webp","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/cvnznews.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12595","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/cvnznews.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/cvnznews.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cvnznews.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cvnznews.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=12595"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/cvnznews.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12595\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":12597,"href":"https:\/\/cvnznews.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12595\/revisions\/12597"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cvnznews.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/12596"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/cvnznews.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=12595"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cvnznews.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=12595"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cvnznews.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=12595"},{"taxonomy":"author","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cvnznews.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcoauthors&post=12595"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}